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xmizzcooliox

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whoa. [31 May 2005|11:18pm]
kay so i read first n foremost. wow. madeleine is the best, she wrote me the longest and best comment ever lol. but here i go again. is late i shud go to bed but i want to write stuff in here.
kay so im egttin gmy monroe done in 2 days. um thats exciting.
i just got off the phone with justin. UGH. what a douche bag. if he wanted to egt back togteher with me, he wudnt treat me like crap goddam. some guys will never get it. anywaysssss.
carnival tomorrow..that will be sweet i hope.
um lets see...

I LOVE MY MADELEINE SO MUCH. and yea....she owns everyones comment hah.




exexex
2 comments|Pull the trigger

No one ever said it would be this hard. [13 May 2005|09:46pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I know this isnt a friends only journal, so anyone and everyone could read this, but I need to write it somewhere anyhow.

About two days ago I thought I had the perfect solution to my problems with Justin. It was to take a break, and hopefully have him realize that Im not always going to be there for him. So I took action. First day I thought everything was going great, me and him were friends. But I was extremely bummed, but that was to be expected considering I didnt have a boyfriend anymore. But today, Im in regret. I feel guilt. I miss him more than ever. But I have to hold on to my lonelyness, and wait for him to not take me for granted, it may sound vein, but I still felt unappreciated. And now the waiting begins. I never intended for things to end between us. I did it to better him and I. You only take notice to the things you have when they're gone. If we're not together, I miss him like hell. BUT If I am with him, im always upset because we always fight. IM SO STUCK.
Goddam, Im just going to let the days go by as they will, and hope for the best.


exoh

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Dying, dirty, digging for treasure</3 [02 Apr 2005|02:09pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Im so upset right now. Im lost or just really...confused. I do my best to be a good person...but then my boyfriend doesnt think i love him. I do. i cant describe how much I do. I know that he thinks i dont like him anymore or something, and truthfully...i feel the same way. I feel like he doesnt like me as much anymore too. So then we're both left wondering. But no. its not going to go that way. Im not going to let this relationship diminish like the others. This is different. Its special. Nothing like I've ever known before. Its undescribable. Lately I've been in bad moods. Everything just seems to be changing and everything seems to be happening all at once. Although I hate Billy talents music, I respect some of their lyrics. Like..."Everybody needs some sympathy". I fully agree. I dont need everyone feeling sorry for me, just...like it if more people caredd.

Ok so I let it out, I feel better now lol.

<xoxo33

2 comments|Pull the trigger

Die alone and wait for nothing now. [17 Feb 2005|05:56pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]

Alrighty well..
I havent written for a very long time. But instead of dragging this on and on, I for once have something to write about. I was thinking about things I've always wanted to do, or to have before Im 20, and I wanted to make a nice little list=). Im not stealing this from 'A walk to remember' people, so dont think I am.

1. Have one perfect memorable day, the kind you never forget.
2. Get a tattoo(s).
3. Bunjee jump.
4. Fall asleep in the arms of the person I love.
5. Get my lip pierced.
6. To meet Bryce from The Rocket Summer.
7. Get on TV somehow.
8. Have my picture professionally taken, emo style..word'!
9. Take an awesome road trip with my friends.
10.Have another one of my poems published in a book.

Right right. Well right now thats all I can think of, but I know theres other shit I really want to do. Im just sorta stuck right now. <33Justin theoneandonly*

-xoxo

3 comments|Pull the trigger

I've got a reputation for breaking hearts. [27 Dec 2004|01:43am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

So this is how it is.
Breaking emotions, confussed expressions. Fact or fiction, none of it seems real anymore. Show it, dont just say it.

So tired. I should get to sleep a lot earlier. Hm so what's new. Um, Christmas is fucking over. So sad. It was here, then when it started sinking in that it was Christmas, it ended. Another week till school.

I dont know what to write. I've been feeling better lately. I also get these times where I just feel uber sad. I wish some people would just do little things to show they cared. "Numbers decimate and decline rapidly, as I go on with a million chances to tell you everything."  I ramble on and on about this stuff. I sound so emo. Im not<3.

-xoxo

1 comment|Pull the trigger

Part Of My past. [11 Dec 2004|09:49pm]
[ mood | high ]

Hello.

Christmas is coming up, and this is my last week of school, FUCK YEAH<3! Im so excited, no more school! Right now I am speaking to my lovely. That would be Ashley. We are talking about how large our penis's would be if we were men. Mine would be larger than hers Hahaha! She disagree's, but shes not the one with the penis so how would she know! Muahah Im kidding!!
Im so tired man fuck. Tonight is saturday night and I did shit all. I had plans, but then, cancelled! Stupid cancelling stuff, ness, yeah! And my parents Anniversary is tomorrow. Ladedah. Its only at like 12 till 2 that I have to be around them, so after that Im free to do what I will.

Standing in the existence of an angel,
nothing short of magnificent.
Baby, one more kiss leaves me striving for more.
Words dont speak as loud as pictures.
The pictures, imbeded in my mind of you grasping for my hand.
"I love you darling." Words so true thrown out one anothers mouths.
The words, leave me to wonder why mockery has been made of the only true words Ive ever used.

Pff Im horrible at this writing shit, I need to stick to stupid drawing, at least Im good at that=P. I express myself better in drawings, no one ever understands what I try to get across when I write things down. Anyways, Im so fucking bored. I need a hobby man. Maybe Ill find a path in life to become a total hxc singer, like Otep haha, or walls of jericho. Maybe not. If I could sing that like that'd be so fucking crazy. I have no other talents anyways. Ergh so much shit to do, but I really dont want to do it. Cant wait till this week is over! No more school, for like uhhh 2 weeks? Thennn its exams and shit. Lame as it sounds the best movie I've seen lately is A Walk to Remember. First, Shane west is so hot. Second, he does the sweetest stuff for this girl. Its so sweet. Never thought I would get pulled in by these sort of movies, but I was.
Hmmm what else to write about, I have no clue. Well its weird but I remember about 2 1/2 months ago was when justin asked me out and at first it took me soooo long to sink in, but now i think it has completely sunk in that im going out with him. I know its weird but it honestly because i never thought at first that he had ANY interest in my. Im so glad he's my bf<3.
I only think its cause he's like a year older than me and dont see why he would want to have anything to do with ME? Oh well, I still feel glad he likes me:P.
Hmm uhhh nothing really else to write about, cept that i have been amde to go to the x-mas dance...pfff sucks. Ashley made me!! I dont want to be seen there, errr.
Anyways, time I leave. I cant wait till this week is over!

-xoxo

<3Justin[so]much.

 

Pull the trigger

Drown my dreams, along with myself. Tomorrow equals non-existant. [05 Dec 2004|08:24pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I just updated, but Im so bored so Im deciding to write again=P.
Wow. I just realized Im growing up sooo fast. I'm almost 15 for fuck sakes. And my brother can almost drive. Scary, but true. I think Im going to be inspired by a chick flick. A walk to rememeber. Where she makes a list of things to do before she dies. That'd be awesome. Well, one thing, would be to have sex, thats a given. Uh, have someone do something really sweet for me. Um, to have THE perfect kiss. You know, shit like that. Pff.
But before I start any of that, I decided to do that thingie again, the list:P...

1. Full name: Megan Kee

2. nick names: Meg, Meggie Wegan(Alana!!), Squishy=)

3. Eyes: Borwn!!

4. Height: 5'4"

5. Hair: Black(semi-permanetly)

6. Siblings: 1

7. Do you like to sing in the shower? Depends if anyone is listening, if not, then yes, I would love to.

8. Do you like to sing on the toilet? Uhh, the toilet?

9. Birthday: June 20th, 1990

10. Sign: Gemini =D

11. Address: Wouldnt you like to know. Not even.

12. Sex: Now or later?

13. Righty or lefty: right.

14. What do you want in a relationship most? Uhhh..love? Isnt that a given.

15. Have you ever cheated on ur homework? Of course! Who hasnt.

16. Marital status? Um, not.

17. Do you own a car? No, but Im taking offers.

18. What kind of car do you want? Hmm, Aston Martin DB7 Vantage(Christmas Ideas anyone?)

FAVORITES

19. Movie: Donnie Darko

20. Song: My Sanity On The Funeral Pyre- Atreyu.

22. TV Show: Uh, The one with the granny, and the sex, and the dildo's =).

23. Actor: Shane West.

24. Actress: I dont know!!

25. Food: Anything Vegetarian=\

26. Number: 1

27. Cartoon: Fairly Odd Parents

28. Disney Character: Mickey

29. Color: Any colour is preferable=).

LOVE LIFE:

30. Do you plan on having children?: Kids make me mad, but sure. Its not my fault if I kill one of them?

31. Do you want to get married?: Eventually I suppose.

32. How many kids do you want?: Like, 23. What a ridiculous question.

33. How old do you wanna be when you are married?: Um, not too old.

35. do you have a b/f-g/f: Why yes, yes I do.

36. How long have you been with him/her? A bit more than two months=D

37. Do you have a crush: I have a boyfriend, I think that means its past the stage of crushing.

38. Music/TV: Music

39. Guys/Girls: Girls.,,;)

40. Green/Blue: blue

41. Pink/Purple: pink

42. Winter/summer: summer

43. Night/Day: night

44. Hangin Out/Chillin: Chilling..word?

46. You know I'm around when you hear: Incessant noise.

47. What school do u go to? Gonzaga

FRIEND STUFF

49. Nicest: Um all of them, or they wouldnt be my friends=S.

50. Tallest: Ian

51. Best all around person: Ashley, best friend=)

52. Which 3 people do you trust and are open with most? Ashley, My Mommy:$, and Justin=)

53. What do you think of soul mates?: I believe it when it happens.

54. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf?: Of course not!

55. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about?: Silly fight with Justin.

56. What's something about guys/girls you don't get? Guys, are SO clueless. Somethings are just given.

57. Are you happy?: Uhh, sure.

58. Why?: Cause I have the bestest bf like ever...totally=P.

59. What's an object you can't live without?: Um, I dont know=S.

60. Love or lust: love

61. Silver or gold: silver

62. Diamond or pearl: diamonds

63. Phone or Internet: internet

64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: Not as far as I rememeber.

65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: Yes, no, maybe, sometimes, WHAT.

66.Do you have any piercing: 2 gage at bottoms. 3 cartilidge, and two bottom piercings next to the the tunnels.

68. What song are you listening to right now: I'm not.

70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?: Um, somewhere pretty?:)

71. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: Hair, like totally.

73. Favorite sports: Im so out of shape I dont even know.

75. What's the next cd you're gonna get?: Um, maybe Atreyu, or like, Rocket Summer.

76. Contacts or glasses?: contacts

77. What's the best advice given to you?: "Shut the fuck up"

78. Have you ever won any special awards?: No, definately not. Ooo Ooo I won a teddy bear out of a machine somewhere once.

79. Goals: Um, to be alive longer than anyone ever, and yet, not seem to age...=O

80. Worst sickness: The kind where you die=\.

81. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better?:Funny, cause scary ones make people make fun of me for freaking out.

82. On the phone or in person?: Definitely in person.

83. Hugs or Kisses?: I like both really.

84. What song seems to reflect you the most?: At least I know Im a sinner - Atreyu

85. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? No one bitch! It's my shit.

86. Do u have any enemies?: Not enemies, but people who dont like me for no fathomable reason* cough* JONNY!

87. What is your greatest fear?: Dying, and having every one not know how much I really love them.

89. What time is it in Albania now?: How the hell would I know, fucking Alabanians.

90. Have you ever been in love?: I never know if Im right about anything, but Im pretty sure I am right now.

91. Have you met Santa?: Yes, he lives with me and my family.

92. If ET knocked on your door holding up a peace sign and asked to use your phone what would you say? I'd tell him to go eat a shoe.

93. Last time you talked to the person that you liked: I dont know lol.

94. Do you have any pets?: A cat=(, what a rip.

95. Last time you were depressed: I mainly am.

97. Are you an alcoholic?: No, just drink sometimes=)

98. Who sent this to you?: No one I stole it from my brother, I love you please don't kill me for taking this.

99. What do you think of this person: He is a giant...shoe.

100. Do you want your friends to write back: I dont care=S

Ok longest post I will like ever post. But I love it, and if you want to steal this, you may. I dont really care lol. Anyways its like 8:51 and I think I have homework, Im not sure but I will write soon no doubt, and I love Justin (WHO I LOVE SOOOO MUCH AND WOULD NEVER SPELL HIS NAME WRONG!!) and GOODAY!

-xoxo

2 comments|Pull the trigger

Until the day breathes, and the shadows fall. [05 Dec 2004|05:36pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Hmm long time no entry, I dont think.
Nothing new really. I pierced my own ear, once again. Underneath my two top cartilidge piercings. And Im still wishing to get my lip pierced, but Im sure I will have no luck with convincing my mom. Uhh Christmas is soon. Oh super, family time! Exactly what I need.
School is fucking shit. As usual. But It's going to be a whole lot easier than next semester.
Uh, done all my christmas shopping. Thank God. I hate it when its full as fuck in the mall. I think Im claustrophobic or something=).

Ooo Ooo new news, Im vegetarian. Steriotypically now everyone thinks I just want to be emo. Yeah right. I am like so totally hXc Yo'! Word up. Anyways, Im not emo. Brayden is just stupid, what does he know anyways, Pfft!
Anyone else finding they dont want as much for Christmas anymore? I am. I only want size 0 plugs from my mommy. Thats all. Holy shit, I think Im maturing!! = O
No Im just kidding=), neverrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! Muahahahhaa.

-xoxo

2 comments|Pull the trigger

//Id rip my heart out if I thought you'd say you'd be impressed. [24 Nov 2004|09:43pm]
[ mood | sad ]

So... what to say.
Ever had someone make eveything about themselves? Yeah I have. When you talk to someone, and everything is alll about them and their problems. Its never, hey, lets listen to Megans problems. Wahtever.
Its sort of obvious. I realized that I dont have anyone to talk to. Yeah, sad. And whenever I talk to anyone about my problems, I think Im talking to much about me, so I keep it to myself. Thats why Im always upset or something.
"I rememeber being happy."-Moneen
Good words my friends, good words. I hate being unreliable so Im there for you no matter what, but I find it hard for anyone to be there for me. Good friends see your pain, past your smiles, yeah right. Then I have no good friends.

-xoxo

Pull the trigger

//.Baby I love the way you rip me apart [06 Nov 2004|02:41pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I am so tired right now, holy shit. Last night was awesome fun. Cept for all the throwing up. Hm let us see, what is new with me? Nothing really.

Im getting caught up in thinking about what people have been telling me lately, and its bringing me down, big time. Someone told me that I lie, a lot. And its starting to make me think that maybe Im not such a good person after all. Oh well whatever, life goes on.

I need to go shower, and Im about to fall asleep so I will check up sometime later? Bye!!

xoxo

<3Justin

Pull the trigger

</3 Why? Why not.. [27 Oct 2004|10:29pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Argh so tired, can barely write. But I can manage<3. Anyways, lets see whats up with me, I am like happy and stuff=). Im not quite sure why though. Halloween is on Sunday, can't wait. Im going trick or treating with like Ashley, Wes, Anthony, Jd, etc? Im not sure who is actually going. But oh well. Im going as an old school punk, person? Well its going to be cool either way, fishnet, mohawk*maybe*, and plaid and shit. Its going to be hawt.
Im currently obsessed with a song called "Imagine"By A Perfect Circle. Download the video, it made me think, which most things dont, so its a good video.
Hm what else, oh yeah I cant think of a good "story", and Im sorry I didnt use your's Justin<3. But I love you either way;).
What else is new? Nothing else really. I like The Junction lots which is new. I never used to listen to them=). And also Haste The Day is good too. Alright well tomorrow is the stupid Literacy practive shit. SO once its over at about 11 Im going home. Screw the Pep Rally and whatever else is going on. Its shit.

All My Love.

-xoxo

Pull the trigger

I've seen you touch the sky, it's more than unbelievable. [16 Oct 2004|02:45pm]
[ mood | high ]

Hmm What to say? Havent written in a while, been busy. Ok well whats new with me. I dyed my hair black for like 30 days, then it'll be gone. Me and Gian are no longer speaking. Whatever. Umm Megan+Justin=Going out. I dont know what else has happened. Oh right, fucking school. I have a 53% in my Academic Math. The rest Im doing good in. Right now, I am in heart with MCR. And also with MyAmerican<3. I dont know how I got hooked.
I totally have obtained nobody status at school, totally.
Nothing more to say, I shall write later<3.

xoxox<3*

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</3 [23 Aug 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I changed my mind. You can't trust anyone. Whether you find out or not, no one ever is trustable. It's true, even the people I thought I trusted, let me down, time and time again. All I have is me? How sad is that honestly? Doesn't it make you wonder why you care so much sometimes about certain people, and no one seems to care? Great example, lifes a fucking bitch and then you die, why even bother caring?...

I give up.</3

Pull the trigger

\\. Im sorry I'm sorry I'm not sure.?</3* [22 Aug 2004|11:47pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Hmmm, so what to say? It's like almost 2 weeks till school starts? And I am not so happy about it, or sad really. Anyways, I might actually go see BNO on August 28, YAY, if anyone knows when, or whatever, PLZZZ TELL ME! Well, also I think I almost cried when I gave corey my atreyu ticket. I was so sad I wasn't going, and if I don't to BNO, I might cry</3..

Well aside all that I'm feeling, many things really. I just generally feel bad. Not only feel bad but still pissed off at someone, and it's so frustrating cause I can't say anything about it either. I don't even know what to do? I hate when that happens. Yay tomorrow I am seeing erin=D. We're seeing a movie together. And then hopefully sometime real soon i can see Gian<3!! I miss you, I want a hug right now=(!! Anywayz I have nothinggg to talk about and soooo...

I'm going to go...bye guyz=D..lol, heres a pic of gian=),,

Yay, I love you, I really do<3

OKKKK well im like super sleepy, and I need to sleep soon, so I shall go now, and...sleep. I'm like anti chekko on coffee. I don't even know why I am so tired But I am...Night!!

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//.Is it just to humor us before we die'x?</3 [14 Aug 2004|04:27pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Heyllo all. I'm so bored right now that I am updating my syte. If you want to see a cool part of my syte...here...

My websyte so far, not done, is www.xxmizzcoolioxx.friendpages.com ... go there sign my guest book=)

I thought that was so cool. I made it myself...A.K.A I feel super special, well, it kinda looks like I mae it myself, which means it isn't all that creative and good looking.. Anyways, I have nothing to do right now, and I am so bored.  You know what i realized? I think Alexisonfire's new stuff isn't as good as their old stuff. Likereally, listen to the lyrics of accidents(their new song), compared to their old song, for example, 44.Caliber Love Letter. I don't get why everyone is so crazy about all their new main stream stuff? Oh well.

You know what I find so fucking wicked?The girl singers from Walls of jericho, or even Arch Enemy. They are fuckign wicked. First tiem I heard them, they sounded like men. ut it's alright.They are both lucky they don't look like men=). And I think Brody's just trying to be like them, i mean she's cool and all, but they are still way cooler. I think brody is sexy=D. And no i;m not a lesbian, jst think she's hot. yay.

Anyways I've boreded*=S* my self out now, I shall go, byeee=)..Megan=loves Gian<3 yay lol..byeee

Pull the trigger

</3 Soul Meets Soul On lovers Lips.\\ [12 Aug 2004|01:57am]
[ mood | confused ]

Hey. Lately I've been thinking so hard, that I near hurt myself. So, instead of this, I decided to let my thinking go into something constructive, like writing. Well...here it is, my first ever...lyrics...poem...what ever you would like it to be I suppose? It's not finished and needs a lot of work, but it's not half bad either.

This curse wasn't meant for you.

Soul meets soul on lovers lips.
We're walking on an eternal path, my love.
You are my lusting white rose of desire.
And with a reason of which i cannot fathom.
This isn't a love song, far as I'm concerned,
It could be the piercing sound of your voice,
stuck in constant replay as I sit in the memories,
thoughts and visions of how it used to be.
These hearts are swollen, in excruciating pain,
as you incise the torment, lunge your blade,
deep inside my conciese mind.

Your lips, they glorify these countless,
soft spoken whispers which linger like bullets,
shot far in the night sky.
These letters bring me ample grief, they read..
Dear Lover, it wasn't your fault.
I brought you down like red water falling on the
dampened horizon.
These tears weren't meant for you.
I don't know what else to do but drown these dreams,
suffocate the heart broken memories, along with myself.

Tomorrow equals non-existant. 

 

Well there it is...not so bad, not so good either lol.

Well I'm beat, I really need to go to bed, I am so tired, goodnight everyone, and I love //You. <3

 

Pull the trigger

Talking to ashleypoop... [11 Aug 2004|06:11pm]

Well I guess there's a lot to talk about. Right now I'm on the phone with Ashley Washley...(My Twinky). Although love is tormenting me right now, it makes you realize how lucky we really are. I have had some of the best boyfriends now to date. It's pretty amazing. Love is a conflict, so I guess it's safe to say, I'm in love. It's all about taking risks, I guess? And right now, the conflict is..should I take that risk?

 I don't know. It's hard when the conflict is against yourself. Someone told me that we hate people, for the things we hate about ourselves*you know who you are*, but I think it's the other way around. I think we love other people for what we love about ourselves. I love someone for the fact they are cool like me=). See, it all works lol.

 <--Yay. Lol, i found this, had to put it =D...*just for Gian=P

Anyways I have to go eat dinner now, and I shall return. Love you..<3

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HeYY whats up. [28 Jul 2004|02:58am]
Hey guys whats up, im super bored and since no1 reads this i shall say what i will:) yay lol. Well, first off, I cut my hair short, its better than b4, it was all long n stuff, bugged the hell outta meh! N now, i finallyyyyyyy got my dam 2 gage tunnels. I mgiht still go to 0 gage tho...dumb idea to buy the tunnels first tho....im a dick tho lol. anwyayz yesh, i have no hardcore friends. does any1 wana be MY friend=D. Lol didnt think so:P. any how im going to go cause i have no otehr life than to write in a journal which im honestly enever going to read again, or nor shall any1 else read it..ok im done lol BYE! <3Love you Ian<3
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BORED [21 Jul 2004|09:18pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Ok well I'm super freaking bored and just got my ticket for the Lamb of god n atreyu show..yay. I dont know why I bother writing in here though, no one is goign to read it lol. But anywayz...life is very boring. I swear I need more emo/hardcore friends..all of my friend r all g-united and stuff..its really gay i must say. Well I have one cool friend. I don't know any good guitarists either? Too bad I suppose. I hope in highschool some people are cool. I hope I'm not the only one=P

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.//Sometimes I just want to leave and give up<3 [18 Jul 2004|02:39am]
[ mood | amused ]

Hello again. Ok crap, now it's like 2:31AM. I'm never normally this tired. Anyway. Holy I'm sooo excited for the atreyu show with everytime I die. I love atreyu. Anywayz, I'm playing guitar right now. I'm not very good, but then again not that bad.Anyway check bak, bye luv u=D. Anywayz check it out...

This is the Atreyu link.<--Purevolume.

Anywayz, I'm bored. Heres a pic of me...=S

Anyways, there is only so much I can write, I shall write later, Gooday.

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